When you suffer from a serious disease or disorder, the significant factor hindering healing is the feeling of solitude: “I am alone in this and nobody is able to understand me.” 

The awareness that there are other people in the world who suffer from similar problems is not enough to combat alienation. 

Most people back off from social life because their family and friends don’t know how to support them and the more they try, the more inadequate the people with serious problems feel. As a result, they withdraw even more because they feel they irrevocably lost their normal life.

The lack of adequate support is nobody’s fault because, unless you are trained in helping such people, you help the way you think is correct which can be far from what is really needed. 

So what can be done about it?

If you are a person who struggles, here are a few tips that can help.

How to tacle the problem of alienation in suffering?

Acceptance of what you are experiencing is the key to move forward.

Acceptance is a neutral state which allows you to have a bigger perspective. It can be achieved by dealing thoroughly with your emotional state connected with the disorder you are experiencing. You have to allow all the feelings to surface: grief, sadness, injustice, anger, powerlessness etc. before you can move forward.

Acceptance is not giving up, though. It’s NOT the feeling of hopelessness. ‘I’ll stay like this forever because nothing can be done about it. Doctors said it can only get worse so I have to accept it.’ 

Accepting is admitting that this suffering is what I am experiencing right now and I am feeling emotionally at peace with it and I am ready to learn what it is telling me. 

Redefine your life and your priorities

Although you are unable to live the life you previously had, there are still things you are capable of doing. There are still dreams you can achieve. Focusing on what you think you’ve lost will bring you only more loss and will make you even more miserable. 

Focus on what you can do and be grateful for it. Open to new possibilities which you might not have considered before. Allow yourself to experience yourself on a different level. Find enjoyment in simple activities.  

Talk to people who also suffer

Connecting with people who also suffer from serious disorders might open you to the perspective that you are not alone in your suffering. That your suffering is a part of much greater collective suffering that people experience in this world. Group therapy can be a good idea because it can direct you not only to the empathy towards other people but towards yourself as well. The more empathy you feel towards yourself, the more you will be able to allow what is happening to you and the more connection you will feel to the world around you.

Look for examples of people who dealt with similar disorders or enjoy their life despite their disorder

No matter what you are suffering from, there are people in this world who successfully dealt with it or lead a meaningful life despite the suffering they are experiencing. “There are no incurable diseases – only the lack of will” Avicenna. And the lack of will expresses as a refusal of learning from what is happening and indulging in misery. 

When a serious disease strikes, it means that something was seriously wrong with your life long before the first symptoms appeared and you managed well to ignore this fact. To reverse it, you need to, actually, start living the way you want and withdrawing from life will only make your condition worse.

Allow help, by communicating what you actually need

Your family and friends want to help you but they don’t know how to and they won’t be able to do it unless you teach them what is supportive for you and what isn’t. Expressing what you really feel in a given situation might shed some light on what your real needs are and make it easier for both sides to understand each other. 

How can you help as a member of family or a friend?

Be patient

Your friend or family member is trying to deal with such a huge emotional load which, sometimes, they can barely bear. Don’t take their feelings personally. Allow them to express. Learning nonviolent communication can be beneficial here. Try to uncover the story behind the emotions they are expressing. 

Suggest professional help

If you notice that their emotional state does not shift over time, suggest professional help.  It’s often necessary to move forward. Don’t blame yourself if you don’t know how to help. They might not even know themselves.

Work with your emotional state if you really want to help

The more you will be at peace with your emotions concerning what is happening, the more you will open to empathy and compassion and allow the treasures concerning this situation to emerge. Seek professional help as well. You might think that you are not the one who has the problem, so why should you go to therapy? However, you are also the one who suffers because of something happening to somebody else.